I am one who likes to ponder and think, and my mind almost constantly has all sorts of thoughts fleeting in and out of my head. One of the things that I always think about is none other than my life, or more often, my past. I like to think that my life has been like a story book. It has a lot of series and chapters, and as the author I try to create a story that will lead to my fairy tale ending.
I think my favourite series will be the high school series, where a lot of exciting chapters were written and life was simple back then. And then there's the life in Ireland series, which I look back more often than I should, more often than I ever thought I would.
Of course, no matter how hard we try we can't change our fate or destiny, and my life too has its dark moments - chapters which I have closed, left behind, and I try not to look back. I have long since stopped thinking of the 'what ifs' and instead accepted that those moments were inevitable and simply moved on.
On some days when I'm feeling blue, I can't help but steal glances at those old chapters and just reminisce those moments where I truly laughed, truly lived. Just thinking of those happy times sometimes can make me feel slightly better, although undeniably on some days it can make me feel worse because my heart aches to be that happy and carefree again.
A lot of people tell me I'm a dreamer. Since I was young, I was all princessy, always waiting for my prince charming to arrive on a dashing white horse, and I used to dance in and out of fantasy dreams. In the recent years I have matured a lot though, or at least I think I have. When life throws difficult bumps and hurdles at you all the time you just have to grow up and face the bitter reality.
Don't get me wrong, I am at a happy place now. I have my family around me finally, and I am building a family of my own. It's just that sometimes, like now, I miss a part of my past, and it isn't wrong to look back, is it?
What I can say is, it is okay to reminisce a little, as long as you keep your feet firmly rooted to the ground. Just know that those empty feelings can come and go and that the past is in the past. Think of the happy times and smile, learn from your mistakes, and insya Allah, you'll be on a road to a greater future.
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