While I was in my teens I had a hard time finding an idol to look up to. I was a little rebellious during my teens so of course I did not see my elder sister or my mother as being a role model. Coming from an all girls school there were a few of my seniors which I adored (in an inspiring way, don't get any funny ideas now) and most of them had the same sort of qualities - sweet, intelligent, kind and humble. Despite the appeal of being a wild and free spirited teenager, and despite the many fights I had with my mother during those years, I think that deep down inside I was still my Mama's girl and I knew that one day I wanted to be just like her, so smart, so kind yet so humble.
Even since that tender young age, behind the occasional rebels, I envisioned myself to be this sort of perfect woman. I put this ideal idea of myself on a pedestal and if I fall short I gave myself quite a hard time. So I worked hard in academics, befriended people from all walks of life and waited for the right guy and fell madly in love. Eventually I did get my heart broken, I learnt that not everyone is as honest as you are in friendships and accepted that I cannot get perfect grades all the time. Having said that though, I must admit I was still quite lost and it wasn't until I met a much older person than me that I started to really believe in myself and learnt to really know and understand myself.
Basically all I want to say is sometimes people think that they know themselves very well, but for me, it took me many years to know who I wanted to be, and I had to make a huge sacrifice and an adventurous journey before I understood myself. And it was someone else who knew me better than myself, who taught me to love my true self and to be that idol for myself.
It isn't about looking up to another person and trying to be that person. To me, it is about becoming the person that you want to be.
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